Thursday, 14 September 2006

• Spoken from the heart of a Gallaudet Faculty Member

   

  Reprinted with the permission of the author:

   

  "The only place I personally (and remember I'm writing only for myself--I'm not representing anyone) can think of to begin addressing your posts is with my own personal story related to this "flawed protest."

   

  Remember that internal campus-wide vote that came out while the presidential search process was still running, and the three final candidates were giving their presentations?  The one that showed that 67% of the faculty didn't want JKF, and over 80% of the students said the same thing? 

   

  What I hope you'll understand is that this is how business is done around here, and that's been true for years, and it sucks.  We do non-confrontational things where we can hide.  Votes and polls.  Anonymous letters.  Open confrontation has been almost unheard of since DPN.  And for good reason.  Everywhere you went, you heard about this or that person being fired for this or that stupid mysterious reason.  That's roughly as true for employees of color as it is for white employees, deaf or no.  Somehow you did or said something that pissed off the wrong person and bam--your job was gone the next day, or your office locks were changed with no explanation or warning, or faculty guidelines were all but ignored when you were "disciplined," or your whole department was moved to some small little mold-filled hole in the wall. 

   

  After a while it didn't really matter anymore if administration was directly and knowingly responsible for half of this crap--the Machine was chugging strong and well by then.  All the Machine needs for gas is the random terrorization of an individual here and another individual there.  Rumor will take care of the rest.  On a very real level, under this system there's a point where it doesn't matter if you're black or gay or white or straight or male or female any hue/orientation/gender in-between.  From the Machine's point of view (and remember that the Machine is both dependent upon and entirely independent of our administrators at the same time--it's a living thing in and of itself) there's use in terrorizing everyone, because that's what keeps all the diverse groups under control.

   

  When Glen was interviewed, I roughly knew who he was--which is to say I knew that he was on the BOT.  Believe it or not I didn't even know he WAS black (hahahaha! Irony, hey Deaf Sambo?) until... hm... Mark or Bernie told me, I think.  Then again I'm a social idiot when it comes to keeping track of who's gay or black by name alone.  That's not because I'm a saint--it's simply because I'm horrible with names and much better with faces.

   

  Anyway, beyond that, when it comes to political processes at Gallaudet, I don't much care who's running for what.  I trust our internal political processes about as much as you seem to trust white hearing or deaf people, Deaf Sambo (and pretty much for similar reasons, from what I can tell).  As far as I was concerned, as SOON as IKJ introduced JKF like this: "... and now I'd like to introduce the next pres... (cough) excuse me I mean the PROVOST of Gallaudet..." waaaaaay back last Fall, I figured the whole thing was a done deal, personally. 

   

  And when JKF was announced I watched it on tv on the first floor of HMB.  I left immediately to go and teach poetry class.  My students were so angry I soon realized that wasn't going to work, so I dismissed the class early.  I felt hopless and sick and angry and yet strangely not surpised at all, and I was coldly calculating how I was going to stay alive professionally for the next fifteen years that JKF would probably be president.  Personally I didn't give myself much of a chance.  I found myself thinking, all right, I'll finish up the dissertation, ask Amy (my wife) where she wants to go next, and get us both far away from this hellhole.

   

  I'm telling you this so that you'll understand my mindset in the days before the protest.  It's not like I was against students of color or anything as stupid as that.  Why the hell would I be?  I'm not a racist.  I don't doubt that I benefit from a system of White Privilige (whether I want to or not)... not at all.  But there's the white guy who wraps a KKK sheet around his face and goes stomping around screaming "White Power!" and there's the white guy who might be born into a system of White Privilige, nonetheless he doesn't insult anyone or deliberately ignore anyone.  Which white person would you rather deal with while you try to educate people in general about racism and systems of privilige?

   

  Then the protest erupted full force.  I was walking to work and coming through the 6th Street Gate when the students suddenly showed up to block it... and then some administrator called the cops on them, and from there I just got swept up into the whole thing.  I don't mean that I got involved in any accidental sense.  Over the next few days a bewildering variety of choices and decisions were hurled at me at lightning speed.  I made the best decisions I could, and they led me to  Fowler Hall where I stood near the table while students, staff, faculty, and alumni of color took turns telling stories about despciable, horrible things that happened to them here.  I left that meeting literally wanting to vomit.  If I only understood White Privilige in a more abstract sense before that night, trust me when I say that at the very least I understood it a lot more concretely after that night.

   

  And then in a flurry of many, many, many protest activities, all kinds of things started happening, and 90% of them involved students of color.  I had heard about the coffin thing when that happened back during the search process, and I supported the action.  I think protest and honesty and talking like this is life and health.  It's keeping quiet (or being forced to keep quiet) and hiding and holding everything back/in that later results in eruptions.  So in that frenzied month of May when students were making signs and banging on drums and holding rallies, my heart was practically turning cartwheels.

   

  Where do I stand today?  Same place.  I miss May.  I miss that unity.  I miss that talking and that shared trust and that working together.  THAT was health and life.  David, I do understand what you mean when you say this is a flawed protest, but I just disagree with you, because for me, it's not like I sat down and planned it all out from beginning to end.  I don't think anyone did.  I think the SYSTEM is flawed, yes.  I think the Search Process was flawed.  But the protest itself?  I think it just... "IS."  It's a lot of tired and frightened and angry people with their own agendas and their own reasons for being upset who just sort of blended and boiled together... and all of our hopes for this place came out, and we stood up for that.  I think that kind of experience is more real than any "blue ribbon panel" you're going to find anywhere in the near future.  It's more real than picking one and only one representative from this group, that group, that group...  Between the choices of "real" and fake public relations processes, I pick "real."

   

  So Deaf Sambo, that's who I am and what I stand for, and if you can't trust that, that's okay.  I don't expect you to (though I hope you will just a bit more).  But I'm also not getting in your way, and I'm not getting in David's way, and I'm going to support everything I humanly can, every group that I humanly can--so long as those groups are about honesty and not terrorizing people or ignoring them/neglecting them until they sink into apathy.  As Alison says, that's not life.  That's just more sickness, and I cannot go back there.  I don't think anyone wants to go back in that direction.

   

  Thanks for reading this.  We'll see what comes of it.  David--remember, this post has nothing to do about your leaving the FSSA or your reasons for it... as I said before, more power to you.  You gotta do what you think is right.  I just wanted to get my perspective out there and see what it does.  Deaf Sambo, I hope you stay in the mix and keep posting.

   

  Christopher Jon Heuer

  Assistant Professor

  Department of Applied Literacy

   

  Reprinted with permission from the author. The opinions expressed by the author does not necessarily reflect the opinion of the Mishkazena

  • 12:10 PM
  • 354 Views
  • 2 eProps
  • 1 Comment